So I had a conversation with a good friend earlier today about "loneliness" vs. "being alone," and haven't been able to stop thinking about it since we talked - I don't know that I've ever thought about it as much as I have today, nor really figured out what my "view" of it is. So if it's cool, I'd like to share my musings de jour, and I'd love any thoughts on this, & to get "response musings" as well, because to be honest, someone out there probably has a better-developed theology on this subject than I do!
So here goes: I'm wondering if "loneliness" is an inherently negative thing, while "being alone" can be inherently good.
I wonder if loneliness is an emotional/actual result of the fall, an indication of our broken relationship with God, and an unbalance in our relationship with others... The only times I find "lonely" in Scripture are laments - a state from which the author is seeking restoration/reprieve (Psalms & Lamentations).
"Being alone" on the other hand - reflecting, resting, introspection, personal worship, etc. - seems to be a good, healthy thing, and is promoted/observed throughout scripture. Jesus spent time alone; kings spent time alone; etc. But it seems that in the "aloneness," they were dwelling with God - so they definitely couldn't be lonely, right?
I'm not sure that I can see that "being lonely" carries the same goodness and health as "being alone." Since we're created for relationship (God & others), and since we know that there's the real presence of God (Spirit) in each of us, and since we're never without that assurance, then should we ever really be "lonely"?
I know everyone feels lonely at times - and that "loneliness" generally carries a negative slant, and I wonder if that's because we feel the separation from God and others; if we don't "get" the every-second relationship that each of us has with God... I wonder if it is a negative thing, like an out-of-proportion version of something that's good (being alone), in the same way that drunkenness is an out-of-proportion abuse of the goodness of a Killian's Irish Red, or in the same way that lust is an out-of-proportion version of the goodness of intimate love.
So there are the thoughts - can "loneliness" be a good thing? Is it a result of sin and separation? Is "being alone" a different concept? I don't think I've ever specifically asked for comments before, but I'd really love to know your thoughts!
Thanks!
Thursday, May 8, 2008
** Loneliness vs. Being Alone **
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2 comments:
I joke about my "loner tendencies," but really, I enjoy being alone. That's not to say that I don't enjoy being busy, or being surrounded by friends (because obviously I like that!), but I think it's equally healthy to be okay with doing your own thing and appreciating the quiet. I've found that I can pass a LOT of time doing what might appear to be nothing. This past semester, I spent a lot more time alone than I ever had before and I was surprised to realize how much I could appreciate it, or even silence. Apparently, I smile a lot even if no one is around... maybe having time to think encourages me to be more thankful and attribute the goodness to God. You mentioned that we shouldn't really ever be "lonely," considering that we always have God with us, and I agree, though it's also clear that we get distracted sometimes. I think "loneliness" and "being alone" are entirely different concepts; the tricky part is transferring that "lonely" feeling into a contentment with "being alone." (Note: this is not an eloquent explanation of my thoughts, but I wanted to at least sketch them out a bit since you asked for responses.) (Note #2: I've never looked at your blog before, but I like it, O Wise One!)
VERY interesting collection of thoughts! I think you're almost exactly dead-on - I think being alone (but in the presence of God), is healthfulness: a time for growth, learning, healing - a building up of ourselves and our spirit-man. Some of my greatest times as a Christian have been when I set aside a night to sit alone in my apartment and hang out with God.
HowEVER: some of the "loneliest" times in my Christian walk have been during the dark times of sin (sin separates us from God - "If anyone turns a deaf ear to the law, even his prayers are detestable" (Proverbs 28:9): OR if I'm deliberately going "through the motions" of Christianity and forsaking the fellowship with my Creator.
I absolutely think you've hit the nail on the head with this topic: AND you've inspired me to dig up all the scripture that God has given me lately on this very issue to expound on it on my own blog!
Thanks for the thought-provoking musings! ;o)
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